Direction...

Tired tonight. But good tired. Tired because I have been stretching my brain...

I find that one of my biggest challenges in life at the moment is direction. I struggle with direction in my life generally, and also my horsemanship.

I find it hard to play with the horses if I haven't got a long term goal. And I struggle with what that long term goal with my horsemanship is. It has to be possible!

I don't mind instructing, but I don't think I am passionate about it. And I just don't see any way I can get overseas to do instructor training any time soon...

Colt starting get's me excited. To take an unmoulded horse and help it develop in to a reliable partner...but the more I learn, the better I want to get for my young horses before I touch them. I am tired of seeing unnecesarily damaged horses. To specialize in colt starting within the parelli system I would have to do the six month intern program...not likely before I'm 50...

I really enjoy helping out horses with a troubled history. This includes physical and psychological challenges too. I love to see a horse with a troubled background gently start to trust and gain confidence. I find that very rewarding. And this may be more do-able for me. I need to learn even more about nutrition and health, but I enjoy that. The problem is, some of these horses are very hard to move on, and I have a paddock full of half broken down horses!!! I really enjoy playing with a lot of different horses too.

Hosting clinics is a posibility... I love to promote natural horsemanship, gently, and I think I would enjoy hosting clinics. But the problem is the venue. I just don't know if I could ever get this place suitable...there is no room for a honeycomb or proper arena. So I just don't think that is practical either!

I guess competition is an option, but I have never competed in anything, and don't even know where to start, or what I would compete in even!

So I go around this never ending circle...I always seem to end up at the same place. I do a clinic, or speak to someone who is really motivated, and get all excited and enthusiastic again...but then my goals seem so far off I start going around that spiral again...

I find it hard to get excited about just developing my own horse for her and my benefit...but I think I need to be content with that for now, be happy with my lot, and stop worrying about the big picture for a while.